The number of posts on my little blog.
Seven HUNDRED and thirty nine.
I can look back over each post proudly and know that I wrote from the heart; sometimes foolishly, sometimes deeply, and always honestly. In these 739 posts I've captured my marriage, my amazing children, my divorce, the ups and downs of owning my own little money pit that my children and I now proudly call "home", relationships, my small but mighty family, my childhood, losing my beautiful irreplaceable mother and my biological father, and all the Colie shenanigans in between.
So, my lovely readers, I've decided 739 is a good time to put The Colie Chronicles to rest. It's been almost 9 years. I can't even believe it when I write that number. Nine years I've written and shared my life in this slightly crazy and unusual way. It seems like it's always just been a little part of me and I will miss it terribly, but I'm ready.
And this may seem silly because it's just a blog, and mostly I wrote to make you laugh and to make you feel a little less alone when you find yourself up to your ankles in sewage after your kid flushes twelve rolls of toilet paper or when you kinda feel ready to leap off something tall because life, sweet baby Jesus, life...it can be tough. There are days when I know that if I didn't force myself to see the humor and write about it, I wouldn't have gone on...some days this saved me. So truly, I have loved sharing my life with you in this way.
Each time one of you reached out to say something I wrote made you laugh or moved you in some way or you sent me words of encouragement after my mom died - you brightened my day - you changed my day - you changed me. Truthfully, this blog helped get me through some of the toughest, darkest days and I thank you for being part of that.
I still have a running blog post in my head with pretty much every ridiculous situation I find myself in so it's not easy to say goodbye...even yesterday when painting my murdery shed and unable to reach the peak, I climbed up onto the roof and when I got woozy from hanging over the edge painting the trim, I decided to lie down across top of the roof and I put my face directly in the paint tray by accident. "By accident" wasn't really necessary, was it? No one does the paint face plant on purpose. Not even me.
So, the point is, with every situation I'm in, I think about writing it here for you to make you laugh a little - to remind you that no one is perfect - and to definitely make you feel better about your own painting skills, but I think I've shared enough of myself this way.
I'm making this blog into a book for my son and my daughter so they always have it - not that they need reminders of how crazy I can be because lets face it, they live it - but I think there are some pieces of me in here that they'll be proud of. And at the very least, some pieces of me that will surprise them, and lots that will make them laugh. And maybe when I'm no longer here, they'll pull it out on a day when they didn't think they had any laughter left in them and it will help them go on. I guess that's what I hoped for when I created The Colie Chronicles. It was a small goal really and seems somewhat unimportant now when I read other blogs that have made a real difference in this world - I wasn't writing to educate, or for any particular cause, not to tell anyone how to be a better parent. I have no freaking clue what I'm doing most days. It was just a little bit of me - - shared with you, with the hope that you could relate. That you'd read and cut yourself some slack. Accept who you are, just as you are. We can be really hard on ourselves as mothers, as parents.
And that, my wonderful, beautiful, generous friends, is the end.
I hope you enjoy each moment in this thing called life as much as you can. Laugh a lot. And then laugh some more. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Eat too many pastries. Screw the scale. F#ck the guilt. Do what makes you happy. Love with all your heart.
And maybe think of me from time to time.
Thank you for taking this little journey with me. I'll be forever grateful you came along for the ride. Each one of you made a difference for me.
With love and butter tarts,