Tuesday, February 5, 2008

What kind of person AM I??!!

I laugh when people fall down.

Well, not all people but my husband in particular. Let's call him Mr. Thuddy McWhumpyton. He falls a lot. It's not normal.

I do admit that his falling UP the stairs may be partially my fault. (Question: what kind of FREAK falls UP the stairs??!!). You see, I bought him slippers (am I a thoughtful wife-y-poo or what?) and apparently I bought them, ahem, 2 sizes too big. I swear he told me that was his foot size when I married him. So about once a month I hear the thud thud bang bang whump followed by "Goddamn size tens!!". And I proceed to laugh and laugh...and laugh. After I make sure he's alive. See, I really am a nice wife.

The most recent fall went like this:
Thud thud bang bang whump.
"Oh sweet jesus Cole! Why did you leave the giant (I deeply heart Costco) box of baby wipes on the bottom step!!??"
He thinks I'm plotting to kill him but heh heh heh that's just crazy. I adore him and his snoring.
I say "it's the system man".
Sheesh. After almost 8 years you'd think he'd understand the system!

My brilliant system is this:
We have a three story house and way too many freaking stairs. When I have something to go up, I leave it on the stairs where my husband walks by (or trips over) it about 13 times before I carry it up said stairs on my next trip up. The same system applies for things to go down so as not to confuse Thuddy. Main reason is I am way too lazy to truck things up and down the stairs all day. Bad enough a trip up gives me heart palpitations.

I have explained my brilliant system to Thuddy about 3, 452 times and he will still pass right by whatever is on the steps. He claims "he cannot see what is at his feet when walking down the stairs" (What the hell!? He is 5' 4'' so we're not talking a long way down) and says my so called system will one day be his demise. I say...my next husband...will be a woman.


Anonymous said...

I have the same system, but just from traveling room to room in a single story, so....

Colie said...

See! This is exactly why my next husband will be a wife! Women get the system!!!!