Thursday, March 25, 2010

Thank You E

This message was sent to me by my sister-in-law out West and it really brightened my day so I'm sharing it here...and hoping she doesn't mind XOXO

"Remember you and your mother are both really strong ladies and you will both have passed this on to your daughter, maybe you won't notice it today, but one day you will look at her and see both you and your mother shining through".

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


So, this is a really difficult thing to write about because I feel like talking about it or even writing about it makes it real and maybe if I never say it, it won't be true.

Some serious denial, right?

I have had many friends reach out to me, both old and new, after hearing that my beautiful Momma is sick and I'm so thankful to each of you. I'm posting an update here because I've been terrible at returning calls and I'm not sure I've accepted it all yet. Those who know me, know how important my mother is to me and my family and she is special to many of my friends also. To be honest, I'm not yet at the point where I can talk about it all without crying, but please know that all the words of support and kindess I've received have meant the world to me (and to Momma).

My wonderful Momma has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which has spread to the liver. My heart is broken. She is the heart of our family and we are all devestated. Sadly, surgery is not a treatment option because of her heart condition and because the cancer has already spread and chemotherapy is not really effective for this type of cancer. Also, Momma doesn't want to spend her days feeling really sick and we all support this decision. Right now the goal is to make sure her pain is managed and to enjoy each and every moment we have with her.

There have been some good days and some bad days since being discharged from the hospital but through it all she remains brave and strong and thankfully, she hasn't lost her sense of humor, which has always gotten us through over the years. She is at home now with a nurse visiting three times a week; some days she enjoys the visits and some days she tells me it's all getting on her damn nerves. Which is understandable because even though Momma is a crazy woman who talks to strangers everywhere we go, she's also strangely private and doesn't like the idea of anyone taking care of her. Lately the pain medication is not keeping the pain away for very long and she is rarely able to eat...but we're hopeful that with a change in her dosage, she'll have good days again soon.

When she was diagnosed in early February I flung myself into her arms on the hospital bed and sobbed uncontrollably while Momma comforted me. As she always does, and always will. She still laughs about how the poor doctor who delivered the worst news we could imagine shot out of the room like a bullet when I started bawling like a lunatic. And I thought I had a tough job.

I still call her to moan and whine when my kids or the husband are chasing me with scissors threatening to cut the very thin rope I'm barely hanging onto, and she knows exactly what to say to talk me down off the ledge. During a recent fit of barf induced hysteria (the two year old got sick outside the daycare and then said to me "See! I told you I was gonna frow up Mom!" Which I did not find funny because let's face it, nothing involving barf is funny to a barf-a-phobic, but Momma found it quite amusing). I asked her after the hysteria subsided slightly, "What will I ever do without you?" and she replied "That's why I'm not going anywhere!" Oh to dream.

I'm 37 years old but I cannot imagine my life or my children's lives without her in it. I don't think there's ever an age when you no longer need your mother and my heart hurts for those of you who have lost a parent and for those of us who may lose a parent much too soon.
Momma and I talk and laugh every day and sometimes we cry, but we're getting through, and cherishing all the time our family has together. This awful situation has brought all of us even closer and makes me realize how lucky we are to have been raised by such an incredible, inspirational, funny woman. It's because of her that we are the amazing family that we are.

Love you Momma!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Be gone second @ss!

For the past 20 years I was pretty sure I was allergic to exercise.

It made my head hurt and my face red and caused me to be unable to sit down to pee without crying.

Not into it.

And then I met Zumba. Hello wonderful dance party, nicetomeetyou. My name is Colie and I may die tonight in this studio.

It is brutal. My knee caps were sweating people. No jokes. Zumba is an hour of torturous fun that makes walking to the car impossible (solution: stop at the bakery near the gym for a chocolate croissant to gather up the required energy to roll to car) BUT. I. LOVE. IT. Me - hater of all things that require me to expend energy - loving exercise. I may feel near barfing from the workout but I am smiling from ear to ear.

That, my friends, is the power of Zumba.

Wisely the studio where I take the classes has no mirrors so I'm Zumba-ing my second ass off and feeling quite sure that I could star in Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts Colie in a corner!! Mmm hmmm. I'm THAT good.

Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the window.

Turns out I might be able to make it into Dirty Dancing 2 - Havana Nights. As an extra. But even after the horror of seeing me shaking' what my momma gave me, I heart the Zumba. Sometimes you have to dance like no one is watching.

So, check out this link and get your Zumba dance party on (I'd recommend that you refrain from looking directly at your reflection):

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Conversation with a very wise 2 year old

After looking at a photo album with pictures of me while pregnant, I had this little chat with my 2 year old daughter:

My adorable girl: "I grew in your belly and then I came out and grew in Daddy's belly".

Me: "Nope. Only Mommy's belly. Boys can't grow babies".

My adorable girl: "Why not?"

Me: Because they are bedridden for a week for a hangnail - can you imagine if they had to grow a HUMAN?!  "Because they don't have a uterus".

My adorable girl: "Oh. Boys don't have a yewtruss...

She gets very quiet now and I'm thinking I'm going to need to explain what a yewtruss is, but no, she simply adds: 

...and girls are super heroes".

Me: "You got that right honey".