Saturday, May 28, 2011

Not even the weather is on my side...

I am in a writing funk. It might be the freaking weather here in Canada, which let me just tell you sucks big hairy ass, or I'm just feeling blue. 

Either way. Meh.

Insert sad face here:

Here are the latest Colie adventures in ridiculousness:

I'm pretty sure I wore the 3 year old's underwear to work on Tuesday. They are basically just like my boy cut ones (yeah, I'm right dead shexay) aside from being 300 sizes smaller. Occasionally they get mixed in my panty drawer (FYI: I don't actually call them panties but the word cracks me up) by a person who shall remain nameless because at least he does the laundry (ruins 80% of it, but he does do laundry). So, all day long I was pulling and yanking those effers out of my ass and my legs kept going numb because my circulation was being cut off. How I even got them on is a mystery to me but let's just say, there was a lot of bending and tugging and the neighbors are likely traumatized.  

I was on the road for most of the day yesterday for work. Have I mentioned that the weather is crap and it is not sunny here (suck it mother nature!!)? Well, I had a deadly headache so even the gloomy haze was blinding me and I forgot my sunglasses so I grabbed the bright pink aviator style ones from the back seat belonging to the 3 year old. Then I got out of the car and interacted with human beings wearing said giant pink kid glasses. Kept thinking...why are they looking at me funny?

Seriously, I am such a nerd.

Not only was I sporting the bubble gum pink sunglasses while trying to have serious conversations, I also fell. Not once, not twice, but three times. When I got home I threw away the shoes that I was wearing. Because I blame the shoes and not my own stumble bum clumsiness.

Also, I got screwed. And not in a good way, 'cause that would be a whole different blog. Apparently I drove over a screw and now I have a slow leak in my front tire and do you know gas stations now charge for f#cking air!!! The last place I stopped out of desperation charged a freaking loonie (for you non-Canadians - that's $1 buck. And yes, we call our money really stupid names). Getting me some new tires Monday; until then paying for air. Paying, For. Effing. AIR!!! Consider my ass chapped.

So, my lovely readers, to combat my funk I've been overdosing on my crazy pills Blue October and listening to love songs like this one. Surely that'll cheer me up, right?

Peace out.


thormoo said...

Thank you for this post...Now I don't quite feel so bad about my nerdy, dipstick behavior after realizing that their are others out there doing the same stupid shit. You made my day!

Seriously, a very funny bit and hey, the weather down here in Michigan is sucking a big, hair butt as well...what happened to Spring??!

Colie said...

Thormoo - thanks! I think we should start a support group - nerds who do stupid shit united...or something catchier?

What is this Spring you speak of???

Dwija {House Unseen} said...

GAWD- could you imagine trying to perform with all those drunk dudes yelling "yeheoeowousdfaojsfoj!!!! ywhehsoluagosjdfa;lke!!!!" the entire dang time????


Dude, you are so freaking funny. Have you joined Lightening and the Lightening Bug yet? Writer's group just started by..well, just click and see:

The first link up is tomorrow, so hop to it!

Colie said...

I know right!! This song is my latest addiction and sadly, YouTube only has live versions with lunatics screaming (one of whom could be me)!

Oh yes-I'm officially a lightening bug!! Very excited!! I'll buzzzzzzz by tomorrow for sure.

God. I am so lame.

Sunny said...

Youre lucky you even squeezed into those child-sized chonies because I'm fairly sure my ample badonkadonk would have ripped them before they ever rounded the ol' curves.

I like you because I relate though..all of said foibles are ones Ive either done or could easily see myself doing. I dont have kids, but I get headaches like nobody's business. I'd have slapped on a Pabst Blue Ribbon visor and the pink baby shades if I needed it. The ladies can suck it right along with the weather and the headache. And I make no bones about the fact that I'd be cussing a blue stream to boot..

I fell at work a while back. My heal got caught in a crack on the uneven concrete (we have earthquakes here) and I fell flat on my palms..face forward. Luckily I was okay, though I cant say the same for my ego. Brilliant me, did it in front of four kindergarten classes and their parents. They were about to be dismissed for the day. I went ahead and left them with some awkward comic relief.

I'm a giver.

Thanks for sharing. You are also a giver :)

Candra said...

Oh My...I am taking full responsibility for the crappy weather. Over a month ago, when I was told to stay out of the sun at all costs...I prayed for rain...
SORRY!!!! It has been raining ever since. What the F ???? How come I can only use my powers for evil???

Colie said...

@Candra/Sis - maybe Momma is working some magic for you???? I totally forgot about the sun being bad for you right now...from now on the rain will make me happy :)

I love you
PS: Friday night on the town! Wooo hooooo! Can't wait to see you!!
PPS: you need to get that funky mojo of yours working again!!!

Colie said...

@sunny- I know it's not nice to be happy that others are as foolish as I am but it really makes me happy to hear that you do these things too!! ;-)

Also the word badonkadonk is my new favorite and I plan to randomly insert it into conversations with strangers as frequently as possible!!

Joshua said...

Is it better or worse that I had a conversation with a complete stranger while wearing The Girl's pink sunglasses over my regular prescription glasses?

Also, be glad it's only new tires. I had a nail in a tire, and instead of getting tires, I was hit by another car that was going 62 when he collided with my stationary car. I'd rather have paid for new tires than a new car.

Colie said...

@Joshua - I'm gonna vote for worse 'cause then I appear less ridiculous.

Yeeeouch - that sounds bad. Glad you're okay. Effing maniac drivers! I'd take a screw (in the tire) over that any day!

PorkStar said...

LMFAO none of this surprises me, really. I don't think you can make this up lol

Colie said...

Yupm you got that right Porks - if it's on here - it happened. It's unfortunate but true ;-)

Anonymous said...

I love you. -Redicupidity

Colie said...

BEST ANONYMOUS COMMENT EVER! And yes, I am yelling (and doing a happy dance)!!!